“I talk about love in an universal manner, and inside the universe there is individuality, particularity.” 

Rick “The Lone Beach Walker”

You have to allow your fairy tale to just happen. Brandy as CinderellaAlthough your relationships may be influenced by those of others, yours should never be modeled after anyone’s or any social norm. I was once a relationship forcer. Like majority of love seekers, I was very naive believing my expectations would be met by every male I dated. In reality, my expectations and my standards were great for me, and I have never significantly lowered them for anyone. With that being said, I tried to force those great expectations and standards on guys who were not ready to meet them or willing to maintain them.

Mental Note:

A Standard—

  • Respectful
  • Courteous
  • Values Family
  • Has Job/Career/Security
  • Has Ambitions or Goals
  • Responsible

An Expectation—

  • Boyfriend/Girlfriend material
  • Ready to settle down/get married
  • Wants children
  • Will say “I love you”
  • Will value your standards
  • Will change for you
  • Will support everything you do/want
  • Romance will be like the movies

cinderella-glass-slipper from movieUltimately, I learned you really can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip. Simply put, a man or a woman has to have desire to live up to your standards. As for expectations, throw them out the horse and carriage on the way to the ball Honey, and save yourself the heartache. Going into a relationship with high expectations will usually leave you heartbroken. Why? Because expectations are primarily built from stereotypes and loads of social influences. Therefore, nowadays people rather be inconsistently bunned up or unhappily married versus single, enjoying life and dating. Understand, just because a man has a job and values family does not mean he is ready to settle down and marry you.

Solution to your madness? Stop rushing to happily ever after. Focus on your happiness. If you can’t find your own happiness without a man or woman in your life, I promise you won’t find it even if “Mr. Right” walks through your door and sweeps you off your feet today. Focus on your standards, NOT YOUR EXPECTATIONS. If he meets your standards, then focus on getting to know each other better. Ask questions. Pick each other’s brains. Listen to his answers. Be honest. Encourage honesty. Be intimate mentally, not sexually! Talk about your life goals and future plans. When you come to the right place in your life—love of some sort will float into your life.

Peace & Love


♥ E. E.

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