#Teaspiration Thursday | The unfathomable sparks
“A relaxed mind is a creative mind.”
—Egypt draws again
I had become anxious in mind, body, and spirit —anxious in the midst of my cloudiness because I could no longer see my path vibrantly and clearly. “Out of Control” — ♥ Yours Truly
This week has just been.
That is about all one can say in regard to the happenings of the last 5 days. Frank and I began the transition from Week 17 to Week 18 with stresses running rampant. Frank seemed to receive the sweeter end of the deal because his stresses have been limited to more external forces, which are—believe or not—much easier to alleviate self from . . . at least mentally and spiritually even if not physically. I, on the other hand, landed in an emotionally unemotional pit of “WHAT THE FXCK IS HAPPENING TO ME!?”
SUNDAY ended in a meltdown, and with a shut out the outside world type of mentality. Frank and I had a pretty normal quarrel over dish duty how-to’s and don’t do’s [list basically constructed by Yours Truly]. . . So one thing led to another and his pride versus my stubbornness meets our everyday stresses, the unexpected, the pet-peeves we hardly speak on, tick-for-tack, truths, misconceptions, and BOOM! Explosions. Thus, my night spiraled into tears and an overwhelming feeling of confusion, frustration, and exhaustion with the rollercoaster of life. All at once everything seemed to crash around me; including my sense of purpose and direction, visions, handle on finances, desire to work, to play, to cuddle, to speak, or even to move. Yea, pretty bad. It’s as if in less than 20 minutes my spirit copped a flight to Tha Fxck Outta Here, and I had no clue whether it was coming back.
MONDAY came —very little relief was found and my mental was still just as cloudy. To make matters worse I was numb to many aspects of my personal life, and then we received the dreaded news that my Uncle passed due to the workings of cancer and corporate medical practices after a 3-day downward spiral. So, I did the only thing I felt I could. I prayed for feeling to return, and I prayed for peace and clarity of mind and spirit.
TUESDAY met me with more gray skies, rain clouds and the tree that fall on the Love Shack, but also with a desire to climb up and out of the ick in which I had become stuck. That desire led to taking the time to breathe, not think.
Then my parents called with updates Love Shack disaster, the unfathomed blessing in the disguise—like a gift that keeps giving. Selah.
Next came the in-laws with their thought-provoking, purpose inspiring good god investment. Selah.
WEDNESDAY night it dawned on me I had become anxious in mind, body, and spirit —anxious in the midst of my cloudiness because I could no longer see my path vibrantly and clearly laid out in front of me. . . I could no longer dictate my comings and goings.
I realized I’ve been in denial about how much I really desire my life, our life to get to our Happy Happily-Ever-After. I had become so bogged down with trying to figure out the quickest route out of stress, to the rat race finish line and around the re-organization process of our life’s pieces. The struggle is real, believe you me! How Real Egypt? I put down my chiefing stick indefinitely. Talk about pulling up your big girl pants.
Good Vibes Only
I made an executive decision before leaving work that I would come home and think about nothing aside from our countless blessings, cuddling, peace of mind, and of course our Happy Happily-Ever-After.
That is exactly what I did.
TODAY I woke to nature calling, Gumball on the television, snuggled up behind Frank, still lying on our living room sofa and feeling relaxed and anew with ideas and thoughts flowing freely in my mind.
All that is, is love,