Disclaimer: Medical issues that prohibit or inhibit weight loss are partially excluded from this conversation; however, in my experience most medical issues have not stopped many people from shedding their undesired pounds. On the contrary, many medical conditions vanish after people begin to leave no man’s baggage at baggage claim. For many of us, we use medical conditions as crutches to make “failing” to achieve the desired result more palatable as we lick our self-inflicted wounds of disappointment.
Change how you see, not the way you look.
—Somebody’s bumper sticker
Weight Loss Fictions
I am not one who believes you have to diet to lose weight. I do not feel as though you have to consume every next great weight loss supplement, go on an extreme no-carb, low-fat, or a throw-away-your-wild-side healthy diet. Call me a rebel for the cause of living your best life, but I know from my own experience that the quickest way to lose weight fast is to stop trying to lose weight. Some might scoff at such a thought. Yet, I can only tell you what worked for me and some of my dearest friends—yes, I have receipts.
I literally shed over 80 pounds not working out or changing anything other than my mind and my heart. I woke up the day before my wedding, traveled home to Sapponi country excited to try on the gown my mother designed for the first time and was surprised to find out it was a size too big. Walking up the aisle the next day I was a whole new woman, with a brand new body, and I did not have to lose myself or the things that made me happy to experience both.
Okay, So Where Do I Begin…
Having this conversation, trying to explain how I lost almost 100 pounds in a year without anything “conventional” is very tedious. It is very difficult to give a step-by-step guide for a process that was as much spiritual, as it was mental and physical. That said, I trust that I am typing this memoir of sorts for anyone going through something similar to what I was at the time.
Frank and I were still in the honeymoon phase of being back together after a year of being forced to live in separate places. Upon reuniting we took on a pretty hefty rent. After 3 months, of honeymooning and only a few weeks after Frank officially proposed, he found himself back in the job search. We found ourselves surviving off of my wages alone, and a very, very meager savings.
For four months, he searched for a stable position while working as an independent insurance salesman trying not to sell his soul to the corporate devils of fraud and bad business practices. We struggled with backed bills and even a first notice of possible eviction. Then there was the fact that we were both struggling with trying to find our purposes in life and bring life to our creative passions. Not to mention, I was still working on patience. I desired wedding bells, and I was craving a new edition to our little tribe. (Frank desired these too, but we had higher mountains to scale.)
The cherry on top was our desire for independence, which led to our determination not to call out for help from our parents. Our yearning to rely on the faith we had been sowing for 4 years was overwhelmingly compelling. Some may say there was too much pride involved, but if so, it was well-placed for all of the right reasons, because out of seemingly nowhere Frank landed a decent compensating position, some cash we had spent came back to us and our parents on their own accord gifted finance.
Your Weight — Your Problem —Your Solution
All of the latter is necessary to acknowledge because I was carrying all of that stress in my spirit. I was weighted with fears of uncertainty, doubts, and anxiousness. Coming out of that situation taught me a lot about faith and manifestation. In reality, it was quite possibly my very first conscious and interactive dance with both, faith and manifestation.
See, for me, the source of my extra baggage, also known as weight, was stress, lack of confidence and a hodgepodge of issues in between. Chances are your weight is stemming from a similar place. Maybe you are stressed. Possibly you are dealing with past trauma, hurt, pain or feelings of unfulfillment. The issues could be reoccurring, new, recent, or even illusions. In all cases, you have yet to deal with the source. I realized after I shed the pounds, that I did not have an issue with overeating, undereating, lack of exercise or whatever have you. No, the issue was me — my mindset. All that I ate or did not eat was merely a result of my spiritual and mental woes manifesting into the physical realm. I told you, this topic can be tedious. You have to be ready for this type of transformation.
Let us keep it 100% love. You are bound to come back to this post months from now and I have tweaked, added to or even rearranged the 1, 2, 3’s. Who knows? I cannot say. Maybe there will be a part two. Quite possibly there will be a part two. Truth is, I really can only guide you through the moments I experienced. You could be anywhere in the process of your transformation. All I know is that you are reading this because you are still searching for a spark—and my only intention is to offer the catalyst that you are seeking. I desire to inspire you to take the action or actions necessary to transform into the perfect you. The you that you desire to manifest in 2019.
And so, I suppose, we start from here, or finish, eh…
1. Stop the lies
One of the many myths constructed by the human mind is that there is a secret formula or magic wand that people who have something or have achieved a seemingly great feat possess unlimited access to, and we do not. This is both true and so very untrue. Anything I can do—you can do better—but not better than what I can do for myself in my own way. Neither can I do what you can do for you better than you…makes sense, right? Yes, I can gift to you my blueprint, and list every tool I used and step I took to renovate my temple, but you have to lay your own blueprint—know what tools you have at your disposal and what steps will be needed for your desired results.
The only secret formula or magic wand that you require is already in your mind or in your hand. You have to will it.
Accepting that we are on a never-ending journey and the road is not going to be quick, smooth or perfectly linear seems to be the hardest part about weight loss journeys—well, make that journeys in general.
I had to learn to accept myself—all 250 pounds of me. Then I had to accept that my current view life as this gigantic bucket of woe-is-me’s had to be discarded. I was never going to achieve or manifest the woman I desired to see standing in the mirror if I spent my days worrying about the woman I was not at that moment.
Focus on all that you have to offer yourself and the world around you. I promise you, you have way more to offer than you are giving yourself credit for. When you accept this you will begin performing miracles in your life. And those miracles will be glorious no matter how much you weight.
Accept that the journey you are on is more beautiful and bountiful than the destination that you seek. Trust me, I see myself in the mirror now seven months with child at my happy weight. Yet, my smile rarely comes from seeing myself without the extra baggage. My joy comes from knowing three years ago I looked and felt so different, and mustered the courage to go on a journey of a lifetime to get to a moment like this one. Like the moment you are reading. Know, I cannot exhaust the number of words it would take to tell how good it feels reflecting on my journey.
Accept your journey. Have patience with your journey.
3. Focus on that Feeling and Your Why will Follow
Be honest with yourself—I had to be honest with myself. Ask yourself how do you desire to feel? After losing weight how will you feel?
Next, ask yourself, why do you really, truly desire to lose weight? Answer that question, and then sit the answer on a shelf in the back of your mind.
Finally, take that feeling from the first question and make it the focus of everything you do from here on. If you said, “I desire to feel so good about myself”—FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF STARTING NOW. Feel so good about who you are right here, right now, despite all the things you desire to change about you. Feel so good about the woman, or man that you are on a journey to be. Nothing else matters at this moment.
4. Make a decision
Okay, there are some tools that we all have access to—whether or not we use them is another story. For instance, we all have the gift of being decisive. Being decisive means you are capable of making a decision. I made the decision that I was going to focus on loving my body and my life at any weight. Subsequently, I was going to lose weight by doing so. If you have been trying to abandon your extra pounds you are probably thinking “Good for you E, I made a decision too, and my pounds are still here.” Well, my Love, I have been there also—and the truth is, I had not really made the right decision, and chances are you have not either.
Determination and endurance are the keys to your success. When I was finally ready to lose weight I knew how I desired to feel when I looked in the mirror. I wanted to feel as though I had committed to something and saw it through. Within me was a desire to feel a sense of accomplishment when I looked in the mirror upon waking. I desired to feel unstoppable when I got dressed in my favorite outfits. With this feeling stored in my subconscious, I said I was going to lose weight, and I believed me. I had faith that I could only give myself.
From that moment, everything I wore became a favorite outfit. Everything I did I did in love with me. I made sure that whenever I looked in the mirror at 250 pounds and counting down I felt unstoppable. Was life perfect yet? No, but it was good. I did not stress about whether I looked “fat”, felt too heavy, or were people looking at me weird. Whether I could see my weight loss was no longer a priority. The scale did not exist. Life was good. I had begun working on my confidence. I was being patient with myself and my journey. No longer was I stressing over the life I had been given to live.
5. Perfect Your Intuitive Workout Routine
No. I am not talking about an aerobic, cardio, weightlifting, kickboxing, or even an at-home fat-burning daily workout routine. I am speaking of applying those steps that you have been Google-searching over and over again while hoping that someone will magically come along and wipe all of your pounds away. It is time to let all of those seeds that have been planted by those who lost the weight you are trying to lose sprout. It is time for you to water them with faith, love, and hope. The latter three transmute to patience.
I did not work out every day. For clarity’s sake or for excuses’, some people have tried to call me out by saying, “But did you not walk a fourth of a mile to a mile just about each day during your lunch break for a year?” And to the assumption, I will say — “No, I walked a fourth of a mile to a mile just about each day during my lunch break for two and a half years, thank you very much.” The first 6 months ended and I was still pushing 250 pounds—eating no pork, and barely any beef. Year two, 2016-2017, is when I stopped lying to myself, started accepting myself, focused on how I was feeling and made my decision to be free of stress and anxiousness. Peep my journey’s timeline at the end.
Faith is the decision you have made that you are going to live as though you have already lost the pounds that you desire to lose. This means that right now you have truly accepted yourself. You have accepted that your desire will manifest in due time, as long as you endure your journey.
Love is the way you make yourself feel. Take pride in yourself. Take pride in how you select your outfits. Wear things that make you feel good—clothes that fit your current body properly. Do something new with your hair or just take extra care to make it look good…dope or whatever. Love is in the way you abandon the stresses that try to plague your life daily, and weigh you down. Yes, you have responsibilities. Yes, you may have more on your plate than you think you can chew, but you can manage. You will overcome. Remember your faith. When you can and only when applicable share your meal with whoever is willing to indulge. Talk through your stresses and your anxieties.
Patience is making peace with the fact that your weight loss journey is going to take time. Your journey is going to require you to live in your moments—stop wallowing in your past and stop chasing your future. Knowing, with faith, that you will get to your promised land if you only take time to love the land and make the best of the terrain you are currently trekking through.
6. Enjoy Your Life Right Now
Some of my most cherished memories and accomplishments came when I was 250 pounds and dropping. Things I dreamed of doing when I looked “perfect” or life was “perfect” happened before I was at my “happy weight”.
Perspective is what makes life so beautiful. You can choose to feel sorry for yourself right now, at your current weight, status, position or what have you. Regardless, feeling sorry for yourself will only lead to more stress and more baggage. Be happy. Live your life. Love your journey. Enjoy every moment. Embrace every rise and fall of your life right now.
7. Be Realistic
You are going to have to do something other than remain in front of a television set, cellphone screen or computer for hours on end downing handfuls of Doritos, or spoonfuls of Baklava. Some things are just common sense. That does not mean you have to give up all of your favorite snacks. Enjoy your snacks, but do be an excessive eater or overindulger. Know your bad habits are stemming from a source that is more than physical. Remember we talked about that.
In all that you do on your journey work toward being a better you. Change little things about your life slowly but surely. Do not feel the need to do a speedy renovation of your entire being. Know everything good takes time.
My Weight Loss Timeline
April 2015— April 2016: No beef, no pork. Walking ¼ a mile to 1 mile almost 4 days per week to get lunch at work. Stressing finances and life, anxious to get life on track. Gym once a week (April through August 2015), 250 pounds.
- December 25th, 2015: Frank officially proposed.
- January 2016: Frank was back in the job search.
April 2016 — April 2017: No beef, no pork. Walking ¼ a mile to 1 mile almost 4 days per week to get lunch at work. Made a decision to feel amazing and look amazing right then and there at 250 pounds!—and for our wedding day. Lost 80 lbs, reached Happy Weight, Look & Feeling at 165-170 pounds.
- Switched to a vegetarian lifestyle. (December 2017)
April 2017 — April 2018: Vegetarian lifestyle. Walking ¼ a mile maybe 3-4 days per week to get lunch at work. Maintained Happy Weight.
April 2018 — January 2019 Walking ¼ a mile 1-2 days per week to get lunch at work. (January 2019 implemented budget, no eating out bringing lunch. Will take a stroll about if weather permits.)
- September 2018: Maintained Happy Weight
- October 2018: by Oct 2018 I was 4 months sober. 5 weeks pregnant, 175 lbs.
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