The Locs I Grew for You —Natural Hair Journey & Motherhood

THE LOCS I GREW FOR YOU

I could tell you that there is something justly magical about your hair — but could your soul trust me? 

Only a week, give a few days or so before I took the official leap into toward locking my hair I met Frank. Yes, the infamous tongue ring meeting — the beginning of everything we can never truly ever forget. So, it goes without saying that my locs are as young as our relationship in this lifetime and as ancient as our love.        Yet, the deeper roots of our affections began a few weeks before your conception when I got the urge to start two more locs. From these two came you.

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A Space Called Mother

Somewhere between power trip and power failure, I exist—in a cold dark place full of warmth—or heat—I dance like water at my best—like ice at my depths. I still birth.

—9:16 post meridiem, November 25th, 2018

Here, I imagine—You feel more at home in my body than I do.

I find solace in watching myself trying to be a good mother—a perfect mother—I found honor in knowing that she still only exists adorned in glittering imperfections. I see her tries—all of her attempts that lead to half actions and whole actions have thus far transmuted into You—ten toes, ten fingers—arm, leg, leg, arm, head.

—10:19 ante meridiem, Masha’Allah, November 26th, 2018

I have learned to feed you—and still, I am not yet half the mother I am to be—for I have only just begun to nourish your cries for my attention—your restless waves for my acknowledgment—your tossing and turning—your tides attempting to pull from my seashores a distant touch.

—10:53 ante meridiem, Learning to Love Again

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We Manifested - Parenthood, Motherhood blog - LoveTrips Egypt English

WE MANIFESTED…

I did not fear the spirits—restless souls, entities and hellhounds—that roamed about our childhood home in my youth, or those that followed me into love. Yet, I feared the makings of my own restless spirit, my demons, my tribe’s maternal traumas, and many attachments—spiritual ones, mental ones, and physical ones. Those fears lead me to fear my greatest joy, one I had only spent countless moons and seasons wishing, praying and meditating upon—a chance at motherhood, a chance at carrying love in my womb and baring a child to crown—a chance many said I could and would never have. I feared my consort having to settle for a life with only me—as if that was not the first and only life he had set out to live when we first sat by those October train tracks sipping on Jamaican Me Happy. I had to give up my fears, my worries, my self-doubts, my addictions—all of my inhibitions. We had to throw away our futile man-made cares, let our freedom hang out, and look back to our stars, our planets, our moons, and our many aspects—those that had first charted our way—and fall back into us.

—♥Su Hena

 

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She is a vision of no priority…

So I’m sitting in my vehicle outside of a busy Starbucks next to a less exciting mall—I’m people watching with my cup of Joe. During my observation of life going in, out and all about the tiny plaza my eyes focus in on a little girl and her father sitting beside the front window inside of Starbucks.

She was cute—in her a little Sunday dress, with her white tights and shoes, and a head full of blonde and bouncy curls.  I smiled as she smiled at her coloring page, sipped from her kid-size drink and then rose up on her knees and leaned across the table to show her daddy her finished masterpiece.

Soon, she retreated—back onto her hindside and twiddled her crayons for a bit as her father barely nods, never even looking up—but continuing his date with his mobile device.

And there I sat, with my own stars crushed, wondering if he went blind that very day would he fall asleep each night to come wishing for one more glimpse of his daughter in the beauty of her Sunday’s best or another scroll down his timeline. . .


Visit Queen Kelley over at Gray Suede to find out what inspired this flashback post…

♥  the only friend we need  ♥

As always, you are loved!

♥—E²—♥

 

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Goodnight My Sweet Song Bird

 

Buenos noches
mi pájaro de la canción

sé que cuando me despierto
estará durmiendo.
Así pues, otra vez digo a usted buenos noches.

Buenos noches.


[English Translation]

Good night,
my song bird

I know when I wake
you will be sleeping
So I again, to you, I say good night.

Good night.

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