You are Worth Your Self-Worth - How to build confidence and self worth - Love Yourself

You are Worth Your Self-worth

We  try to force change upon ourselves and others—but change is natural—and nothing natural can be forced. 

I spent a little over a year, maybe even two, fighting myself—or something of the sort. I was in a full-on battle. Literally, I had waged an almost unforgiving, horrendously relentless war against the woman I knew I was becoming—the woman I knew deep-down all of me desired to be. In my spirit rose a resentment toward this woman I had yet to formally meet. Forcibly I was on a mission to postpone her arrival. Some days it felt as if I wanted nothing more than to halt her coming all together. Ironically, I felt that I knew nothing of her. Sadly, as much as I innately desired to see her in all of her highly anticipated grandeur I could not stand feeling her emerging. I loathed watching her from half-shut eyes displacing the me I had grown to find so many comforts within. 

Eventually, I realized there was not much I could do to make myself feel happy and fulfilled until I just allowed myself to simply be—to commit, to leap, to freefall, to find a way to catch myself in mid-air—like a cat—and to land on my feet after all of my shifting, my changing. For my sanity’s sake, I had to make way for her arrival. I had to abandon my complacency.

The Losing Game

Self-worth, esteem, and confidence have been a struggle for me since I was young. Feeling like I did not fit in with my peers left me chasing a reality in which I was either doing too much or most often, not enough. Over time, I began to realize I was not alone in trying to shuffle my many pieces into their appropriate places. Like most wandering spirits—I was never broken or truly ever out of place. My focus was off. Trying to be who I thought I wanted to be, and not who came naturally left me exhausting my good energy. The she who came naturally, I had not planned for. Thus, I resented her. She seemed like too much work—too much to cultivate. She was like a garden left untended—overgrown with weeds.

Truth is, however, trying to be who did not come naturally was even more work—and very self-sabotaging. I found myself constantly drowning in a sea self-conjured anxieties. I found myself competing with a host of uncompetitive forces. The latter left me miserable. I lost my cares for all that I was good at while wallowing in that which could never properly serve me.

Focus on You

The journey back to self-worth is different for everyone, but the common theme is forcing ourselves into spaces too small or too big for us to properly fill. My space is my space. The size, shape, and purpose of your space are the same today as they were the day you were born. Imagine spending your entire life trying to be a superstar when you were always meant to be a highly revered elementary school teacher. You might find yourself depressed, anxious and ultimately unhappy. Do what feels natural. Focus on what comes naturally to you—do that—perfect that. Focus on who comes naturally to you—be that persona—perfect that persona. With the right focus, all else will begin to flow naturally.

 

For more on my own journey back to confidence, self-esteem and self-worth head over to Geiko Skin ♥

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A Space Called Mother

Somewhere between power trip and power failure I exists—in a cold dark place full of warmth—or heat—I dance like water at my best—like ice at my depths. I still birth.

—9:16 post meridiem, November 25th 2018

Here, I imagine—You feel more at home in my body than I do.

I find solace in watching myself trying to be a good mother—a perfect mother—I found honor in knowing that she still only exists adorned in glittering imperfections. I see her tries—all of her attempts that lead to half actions and whole actions have thus far transmuted into You—ten toes, ten fingers—arm, leg, leg, arm, head.

—10:19 ante meridiem, Masha’Allah, November 26th 2018

I have learned to feed you—and still I am not yet half the mother I am to be—for I have only just begun too nourish your cries for my attention—your restless waves for my acknowledgment—your tossing and turning—your tides attempting to pull from my sea shores a distant touch.

—10:53 ante meridiem, Learning to Love Again

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We Manifested - Parenthood, Motherhood blog - LoveTrips Egypt English

We manifested…

I did not fear the spirits—restless souls, entities and hellhounds—that roamed about our childhood home in my youth, or those that followed me into love. Yet, I feared the makings of my own restless spirit, my demons, my tribe’s maternal traumas, and many attachments—spiritual ones, mental ones and physical ones. Those fears lead me to fear my greatest joy, one I had only spent countless moons and seasons wishing, praying and meditating upon—a chance at motherhood, a chance at carrying love in my womb and baring a child to crown—a chance many said I could and would never have. I feared my consort having to settle for a life with only me—as if that was not the first and only life he had set out to live when we first sat by those October train tracks sipping on Jamaican Me Happy. I had to give up my fears, my worries, my self doubts, my addictions—all of my inhibitions. We had to throw away our futile man-made cares, let our freedom hang out, and look back to our stars, our planets, our moons and our many aspects—those that had first charted our way—and fall back into us.

—♥Su Hena

 

The Fool In Me - LoveTrips ™ the BLOG - Egypt English

The Fool in Me

If my life is my message…what kind of message am I sending?

Tarot Teachings


I do love myself—enough to fear nothing. I release all judgments of myself and all others. Thus, I will and I shall live, give, and I shall build. My practice is my adventure—my life, this journey, is my practice. And although I seek the bounty and the beauty that is the rose, I shall not fear its thorns. I will regard each prick as a lesson to be learned—each scar, a badge of honor earned.

With all of my love.

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1994'ish - My Loc Journey - Natural hair locs dreadlocks

Country Flowers


I come from the land two turns outta gutter swamps, still got bullet holes in SUVs tho—pull up to the famly’union liable to find deer, pig, frog legs, a bite of squirrel and some gator from who tha’fxcks backyard is this, muhnegus we got these roun’here? right next to great grandmal’s good ol’ con’bread and cawlud greens.

#avegansnightmare ♥ #truestory

Egypt English - National Harbor - LoveTrip and Merci video shoot

Faux Fur

My fur be faux ’cause I found no need to kill for warmth—we have been graced with the rise of comforts, namely pushbutton heat.

I pay no blood price.

You will not catch me trapping rabbits for fashion, ‘cuz like my diamonds I clean no blood from knives for a good show.

You may spy me in authentic fur—genuine leather maybe,

but know it’s been recycled, thrifted, hand-me-downed or gifted, and to the dear creature who has sacrificed most I offer no price, but many meditations well paid.

You will see me here or there my crown ‘dorned full and gratefully feathered, be kin to know they have long since been pluck from vintage wings, cast down from the plumes of one who still soars the skies or pulled from a shelf of manufactured plumage.

Still, you will not find me cursing the man who captures the doe, or the woman who glistens like pressure crafted stars from a laboring man’s land—no, ‘for every life has a price to pay, every bird a good song—and we all have a measure of heart, no one being’s strummings lesser or grander than the next.

Alhamdulillah

—♥E

 

 

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Egypt English - Loveology and love coaching, Life is Fashion

Winter Coats

They keep us warm, shield us from the extreme temperature changes—but I’m burning on the inside.

here and there, you just gotta toss the faux to the snow leave it for the deer to trample, and when they stampede

at the change of season, upon your return take up your fringe and run with them.

—Dance of the woman with 3 left feet

 

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2018 Manifest

 

2018 the Year of Manifest

Each year we each embark on is always a year or something…either you fill in the blank, or you don’t, eh. Truth is often we do not fill in the blank, and we end our year with little to show because we neglected to establish a clear vision of all that we desired to see come to fruition. How much we neglected our past year will reveal its no or low hanging fruit come the dawn of the new year—our current year. Let this be the year you move and maneuver in such a way that you blink once and 2019 slows down to roll out a red carpet embroidered in golds and lined with silvers for You.

All that you do and neglect to do will matter, yet, not all that is done will transmute to matter, and still, nothing is ever truly wasted.

Yours in Love Truly Always Continue reading “2018 Manifest”

Egypt English - Loveologist, Artist, Poet - Sappony, Saponi

Mimībikoa

Agínese nañqluba otō çuqe māni hantáowa akatiya

nei—yahan

añktākakoa maqgītowe oñqyāyúñ

akatiya como mi yāñti wagitçiwa tabata hohiowa.

—From {Psalms in the Key of Sapponī}—The Ineludible Purging of S. Marie


I was good

On the icy green mountain water runs warm

here—no

weaves our valleys

warm like my heart dancing down snowfall.

—From {Psalms in the Key of Sapponī}—The Ineludible Purging of S. Marie

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