On the conveyance to work one day, I was having a heart-to-heart with my little one. Yes, a heart-to-heart with the little one swimming and bumbling in my womb. I had the urge to have “The Talk” early—the self-acceptance talk. Over the course of five years, I have realized that the most important requisite for success in business, love or life, in general, is self-acceptance.
I now look at self-acceptance like I view putting together a giant jigsaw puzzle. For those of you who do not know this about me, I love jigsaw puzzles. As a child, one of my greatest commitments and accomplishments was completing a 1000 piece Mataoka (Pocahontas) puzzle. I was so proud of myself—in hindsight, it was pretty tough to piece together. My parents were proud of me too—so much so, my Hena coated it with clear glue and framed it. A couple of years later we sold it at the flea market, but still to this day I sit back and think about that puzzle and how each and every piece was a true ace in its place.
Start With Your Edges
We are all puzzle pieces in a bigger picture, and still, each of us is our own complete puzzle. We are all intricately designed to fit perfectly and snuggly in our own well-tailored space on the great board or tapestry of life. Ever tried to fit a puzzle piece into a space not meant for it to be placed? No matter how you turned the piece, and regardless of how it almost fit—you failed to get that piece to conform to that space. Eventually, you must accept that the puzzle piece fits somewhere else.
I recall thinking there was no space for me to just be myself. At the time myself seemed way to complicated of a piece to fit properly into any given space. I knew I desired to do and explore so many things. Write, learn, heal, blog, teach, coach, mentor, podcast, reflect, soul-search, be a poet, design jewelry, talk about love, live life, travel far, make money, and become wealthy doing it all and more—I had a laundry list of I desires and to do’s. Plus, everything I desired to do felt so right to me. Yet, I began to feel that the space in which all of those things fit was either too big of a space for little ole me to fill, too small to cram all of those desires into or simply put, non-existent. Each of the latter thoughts left me sick with stress. What is life if I cannot do all that I really desire to do, be happy doing it, and build a foundation of security upon it?
I had to really pause—stop—take many deep breaths and ask myself a lot of questions. Two questions stood out the most. The first question in many forms was: What do I do best? What am I really good at doing? What can I do almost every day without hesitation? It did not take me a long time to acknowledge that while I love to do a lot of different and wonderful things—I could spend my entire life transcribing my thoughts into words. Writing is my thang.
My second question, like the first, came in a variety of forms. How do I fit into the matrix? Where can I fully express all of myself? How do I establish myself? How can I do all that love and manifest all that desire with my writing? What is my medium of expression?
Believe it, I spent almost a year really contemplating and re-contemplating my questions. Just as much time was expensed finding and accepting the answers to my questions. I had already exhausted so much time trying to create many spaces to fit into. None of this time was wasted of course! Each part of my journey was necessary to get here to the point at which I am writing this piece. We will explore the answers to my second question at a later date.
All along I had been seeking a space into which I could force myself in order to dismiss the sense of displacement I had conjure for myself. Once I started to answer my questions I began to see that everything I love to do was merely a stimulate for me transcribing or expressing my thoughts and experiences. Eventually, the sense of displacement transmuted into a bountiful feeling of self-acceptance.
I began to charge myself with an old task renewed. The task: be the woman who paints a portrait from the mattering of her life—dark and/or light. I realized I did not need to try to be a billion different version of myself. Thus, I started to grasp that I only needed to continue to live my life while documenting every moment of falling and rising. I could truly focus on doing all that I desired because those are truly my success factors.
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